INT. HOME
ALEX
Elina! I'm leaving, you can't stop me!
ELINA
Not even if I tried?
ALEX
(nervous)
Y-yeah...
INT. CAR
ALEX (CONT'D)
Oh shoot! The cops!
Alex pulls his car to the side. The officer, 34, walks up to Alex.
ALEX (CONT'D)
Yes officer?
OFFICER
This car was reported stolen by a Missus
Elina Keaton.
ALEX
That's impossible! -- Elina Keaton is my
wife and this is our car and I'm just on
my way to work and...*officer pulls out a
laser pen*...what the heck is that?
OFFICER
Laser pen -- just look forward for me please.
Alex looks into it. He pupils swell up.
OFFICER (CONT'D)
Sir, by the Columbos police, I'ma have to arrest
you for drinking and driving [DUI] and not to
mention the fact stealing a car and not to mention
the fact that upsets me most of all -- lying to
and officer of the law.
ALEX
What are you talking about? This is MY car.
OFFICER
Just a minute ago, you said that THIS was yours
and Missus Elina Keaton's car.
ALEX
You know what I mean...don't you?
The Officer nods "no"
Part 2:
FADE IN:
INT. JAIL
ALEX
Oh mom!
ELYSE runs over to the jail cell where her son is.
ELYSE
Alex honey, what happened here?
ALEX
My WIFE reported our car stolen...and she paid the officer to make it look I was
drinking and driving, can you believe
her?
STEVEN (O.S.)
That doesn't seem right if you ask
me......where you though?
Laughter of audience.
ELYSE
Steven!
MUSIC
Alex Keaton. That's
A-L-E-C K-E-A-T-O-N.
ALEX
Can you believe that? She
spelled my name with a "c"
instead of a "K"! That
little brat spelled my --
MALLORY (O.S.)
Mom! When I said I wanted
a bird, you know, I didn't
mean JAILBIRD
ALEX
Mallory, don't make me hurt you.
Laughter of audience.
GUY IN AUDIENCE (O.S.)
MALLORY! MALLORY! MALLORY! MALLORY!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Part 3:
ELYSE
Alex, they need you at the office.
ALEX
Awe who gives a darn into this crappy life, huh?
ELYSE
Alex!
ALEX
What?
ELYSE
Mallory would like to say something to you, right
Mallory? Mallory!
MALLORY STEVEN
Huh? Mallory!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Awe the Keaton family.
STEVEN / MALLORY / ELYSE / ALEX / JENNIFER / ANDY
Shut up Narrator!
Laughter of audience.
SUPERS:
WILL ALEX GET OUT OF JAIL
IN ONE PIECE? OR ALIVE?
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE
NEXT PART IN THIS SHOCKING
EPISODE.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Part 4:
No! Don't leave!" cries alex as they leave him there.
STEVEN
Sorry. we have to.
ALEX
No!!!!!!
Alex slaps the security guard.
"GET HIM!" They holler out.
"Oh heck!" The keeper says.
STEVEN
Let's go Elyse.
Part 5:
Alex and the jail Part 5. By: Elliott Butler. Scriptment.
"Hey jerkoffs! Leave me alone," Alex said, "and let me be."
Steven walked behind Alex. Elyse hollered after Steven, "Steven!"
Steven looked back at Elyse and answered:
STEVEN
Sorry Elyse...
Elyse hollered "JENNIFER! MALLORY!"
"You rang?" Mallory said.
"I'm ready," Jennifer said, "to go."
Elyse paused: "Girls, we're not."
JENNIFER
What?! No, no, I mean, ya, I'm here for Alex, but I promised Jessie I'd meet her
at the Mall at exactly 6:34 a.m.
ELYSE
Jennifer, would you rether go to Heaven thinking that you helped your brother or
hell thinking that you didn't help your brother when he was in trouble, hmm?
MALLORY
Mom, what do you mean "we're not"?
Elyse sighed. She walked over to them, gently resting her head against thier
heads, thinking. Then after a few seconds she said, "let's go."
INT. JAIL CELL COURT
"By the bying of drinking and driving and speeding, I have no use to
resemble thee Alex Keaton to use home until the next meeting -- 16 July
1990," The Judge saud, "which will be 2 weeks from 2 July 1990 --
tomorrow."
"Yaay!" Alex shouting.
STEVEN
Alex, that means you have to come back 2 weeks and 1 day from now.
"Shoot!" Alex shouts.
The Judge sighs and pounds his Gavel on the wooden shelf which looks very much
like a shoe box.
"Looks like I have a choice between Heaven of Hell, right mom?"
Jennifer asks.
"Yeah, Heaven or Hell, about that."
To Be Continued...
Part 6:
JUDGE: Okay, by thought understanding the problem, I have four
found the problem.
STEVEN: What Judge?
JUDGE: Alex Pestimuloola Keaton is here-by sentenced to four years prison for
drinking and driving and speeding.
ALEX: Alex screams at the top of his longs. What?! The Judge punds his Gavel on
the shoe box shelf.
Jennifer walks over to him: I didn't know your middle name was Pestimuloola. She
laughs. Alex smacks her gently, kidding around. She instantly stops. Sorry. she
adds.
ELYSE: Alex, wait, you're too young to drink. And Steven installed a mico-cam
that will tell us if you drinking in the car or not!
Jennifer laughs.
WHAT NARRATOR SAYS WHILE IT POPS UP ON SCREEN: What will happen ? Will
Alex ever get out ? And when this part end ?
The End.
------------------------------------------------------------
DELETED SCENES:
Alternate Ending (Jennifer's Last Laugh Take One)
JENNIFER: I didn't know your middle name was Pestimuloola.
ALEX: Yeh...
Jennifer starts laughing hard.
ALEX: (CONT'D) Hey! SHUT UP YOU LITTLE PEASENT!
Jennifer laughs one more time then stops. The Judge yells at the family. Steven
shouts out a curse word at the Judge.
ELYSE: What a minute! Alex, you're too young to drive and Steven had installed a
camera in the car to tell us if you were drinking or not.
Alternate Ending (Jennifer's Last Laugh Take Two)
JUDGE: I here-by sentence Alex Pestimuloola...
Jennifer bursts laughing shouting "Pestimuloola" as she laughs at her
own jokes about the middle name. Alex sighs.
ALEX: SHUT THE HECK UP YOU LITTLE PESEANT!
Jennifer instantly stops. Elyse slaps Alex.
ELYSE: Now Judge, my husband installed a camera in the car that will tell us IF
he [Alex] were drinking or not.
Jennifer bursts out laughing again. Alex growls and Jennifer has a last laugh
(for the day).
------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: The two alternate endings were shown after the credits from Parts 1-7
aired together.
Part 7:
ALEX
What do you mean?
JUDGE
Just what I said. you're going to jail.
ALEX
Crap!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Part 8:
2 months later...
INT. KEATON HOUSE
ELYSE
Steve, who's on the phone?
STEVEN
It's Alex...
ELYSE
Alex? Let me talk to him!
STEVEN
Alex, here's your mother.
ELYSE
Hey, honey.
ALEX (OVER)
Hi Mom.
INT. JAIL CELL
ALEX (CONT'D)
...uh-huh...yep...2 months...
yeah...okay...fine...put Andy
on the phone.
INT. KEATON KITCHEN
Andy, 6, is on the phone.
ANDY
Hey, bro. Guess what!
ALEX (OVER)
What?
ANDY
Mallory and Nick are engaged!
OPERATOR (OVER)
If you'd like to make a call, please
hang up and call again.
Dial tone.
ANDY
Mom, this lady just said something a call
and calling again.
INT. JAIL - NIGHT
The lights are dark.
ALEX
(to drunk)
Is it Halloween?
DRUNK
Yeah...
Glass shatters off.
ALEX
What the...
We hear footsteps -- heavy footsteps. Alex opens his cell and sees something.
ALEX (CONT'D)
Can I help you?
He sees a knife glistening. A hand raises for him. It's reaching for him as
another pair of hands grab his back and pushes him into a wall. Alex puts his
arms in front of his head. His arms hit the wall and then his body falls own to
the ground. Alex raises up and runs, his left leg giving in every 5 seconds
causes him to limp. He slams on a door.
ALEX (CONT'D)
Help! Help! Help!
The door opens. Alex walks in. Slams the door shut and locks it -- bolt after
bolt.
ASSOCIATE TO THE ASSISANT OF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER
What's going on?
ALEX
You remember those 2 guys -- Michael
Myers and Jason Voorhees?
ASSOCIATE TO THE ASSISTANT OF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER
Yeah...
ALEX
Well, they're in here and they're
and they're trying to kill me.
ASSOCIATE TO THE ASSISTANT OF THE ASSISTANT MANAGER
Are you kidding me?
ALEX
No! Look at this bruise from where
Jason slammed me into the wall.
He pulls up his shirt sleeve. His arm is bruised. Slamming at the door.
ALEX (CONT'D)
Oh crap!
Part 9:
ALEX (CONT'D)
Oh crap!
The Associate to the Assistant of the Assistant Manager pulls out a rifle and
shoots the two killer's head off, scattering blood through the door.
(PRODUCTION NOTE: Most gore is blocked out. The only gore we see is the one on
the wall and on Alex.)
Alex gasps.
THE NEXT DAY...
JUDGE
I have no use to keep Alex P. Keaton here. He can go home.
THE END.
ROLL CREDITS
NOTE: The scene in "Heaven" that was earlier was edited for content. The dialoge
wasa cut and re-made. Here is the new dialogue:
ELYSE - Jennifer, you can go to heaven knowing you helped your brother or you
can go to heaven...
JUDGE - Order! Order in the court.
BALIFF - All rise for judge C. Marshall Jones.
JUDGE - All sit. Thank you.
[GO ON WITH SCRIPT UNTIL THE PART OF JUDGING]
JUDGE - I order Alex Pestey...uhm...testimullae Keaton to go to court jail.
[CONTINUE ON.]
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Last Updated (MM-DD-YYYY): 02-23-2003