FADE IN
INT. KEATON LIVING ROOM -- DAY
ALEX & ELLEN walk through the front door; an out of breath SKIPPY follows
them. ALEX carries a portfolio.
ALEX: Dr. Hoffman was way out of line! This paper on the current economic state
of Ethiopia is top-notch!
ELLEN: Alex, an A-minus is not the end of the world.
ALEX flings the paper around as if it were a wand conducting an orchestra.
ALEX: But the facts are true!
One such fling SOCKS poor SKIPPY in the nose. ALEX unknowingly continues his
tantrum.
ALEX (cont'd): There are no fallacies in the data, so there shouldn't be this,
this...minus!
ELLEN: Skippy!
SKIPPY, on the floor, staggers to his feet, trying his best to assert that he is
okay.
SKIPPY: I'm okay! I'm okay!
ELLEN guides Skippy to the couch and sits him down.
ELLEN (to ALEX): Could you be a little more subtle or less physical in your
approach?
ALEX (to SKIPPY): Sorry, Skip, sorry. Why are you here? You looked like you just
outran the Thornhill's golden retriever.
SKIPPY: Well actually, as you were flinging your paper while walking home from
the library, some of its pages flew all over and I (reaches into his pocket and
pulls out several wrinkled pieces) picked them up for you.
ALEX (still hot and bothered but cooling off some): Thanks a lot, Skip.
ELYSE and JENNIFER come in from the kitchen.
ELYSE: What's the matter in here? Jennifer and I were in the kitchen oiling our
softball gloves and we heard yelling.
JENNIFER (looking at crumbled papers): Let me guess, Alex, A-minus?
ALEX: Not by my choice!
ELLEN (getting up and walking towards ELYSE): Dr. Hoffman didn't think Alex's
topic was (picks up a paper and reads) "straightforward enough to the
reason of the post-Cold War Third World economic climb."
ALEX GROANS.
ELYSE: An A is an A, Alex.
ALEX: There were a lot of "A's" in that sentence, Mom. Could you loan
one to Dr. Hoffman?
ELYSE: You know, one day it'll occur to you that work is something reflective of
quality, not just quantity. You did the work; you did well, so the best you can
do is move on. Come on, Jen. Skippy, let's get some ice for your head.
SKIPPY: Thanks, Mrs. Keaton. (To ALEX) When's your next paper due?
ALEX: Three weeks, I believe.
SKIPPY: Thanks for the head's up.
JENNIFER: No pun intended. (To ALEX): What's ironic here is that you intend a
career in plusses and minuses.
ALEX: Eek.
ELLEN SMILES.
STEVEN, holding ANDY, bounds down the stairs with a smile.
STEVEN: The teeth are coming in!
ALEX: Hardly reminiscent of Paul Revere, Dad, yet I see no British around, so
I'm assuming you're finally getting ready for some more teeth. Yet, at this age
(walks over to Steven and rubs his shoulders), I thought you'd be looking for
dentures.
STEVEN looks blankly at ALEX and excitedly turns back to ANDY.
STEVEN: You see what you have to look forward to in History class? (Back to
ALEX) I meant Andy's teeth are coming, and not a moment too soon, either.
ALEX's aggravation turns into happiness for his baby brother. He jumps up,
changed and aware of this new topic.
ALEX: I believe congratulations are in order for young Andrew here! And you were
right, Dad, when you said 'Not a moment too soon.' A young banker needs a strong
smile to make it.
STEVEN: I would like to think he could get through his first day of school, son.
ALEX: Oh, of course, of course. Teachers are excellent practice for succumbing
to what I like to call the "Art of Shiny Whites."
ELLEN RISES.
ELLEN: Smile for me, Alex.
ALEX: What?
ELLEN: Just do it.
ALEX: Okay. (Smiles with all his teeth).
ELLEN: I guess Dr. Hoffman likes young bankers who eat their food through
straws.
ALEX: Ah, I was out, and my own girl pushes me back in!
ELLEN: That's because you're so cute when you wince (kisses him on the cheek),
especially about something this unnecessary.
STEVEN is not surprised.
STEVEN: A-minus, Alex?
ALEX: This family knows me too well.
STEVEN: Especially since the '80 Republican Primaries.
ALEX: Glory Days.
STEVEN and ANDY make their way into the kitchen.
ELLEN: It's Friday, and you know what that means.
ALEX: Movie night!
ELLEN: Do you want to rent or go to the theatre?
ALEX: Well, I'm not financially secure enough yet to actually rent a theatre,
though I guess it depends on how long you want it for.
ELLEN: You make up in humor what you lack in (kisses him) plusses.
ALEX: I pass this class with flying colors. (A beat) I suppose I'm up for some
theatre action tonight.
ELLEN: All right, I'll get the paper for times.
ELLEN goes into the kitchen.
ALEX is left picking up and organizing the remnants of his paper, smoothing out
the wrinkles, and begins reading over it once more.
INT. KEATON KITCHEN - LATER THAT AFTERNOON
MALLORY joins ELYSE and JENNIFER at the kitchen table.
MALLORY: What are you guys doing?
ELYSE: Your sister has a softball tournament this weekend against Worthington.
JENNIFER: Mom gave this glove to me, it used to belong to her, and it'll make
the Hawks eat their words...I hope.
ELYSE: Confidence, Jennifer. Believe that it'll work, and you'll be surprised
with the results. You want to know what's the best part? It won't even be the
glove; it will be the skill of the person wearing it.
MALLORY: Wow, Jennifer. Mom rarely goes karma this much anymore. You should be
proud.
JENNIFER: I'll be proud when the glove gets enough oil in it to maintain a
Chevy. (Tries closing it but ends up using both hands) Right now, Dad's brass
knuckles are easier to handle than this.
ELYSE: Jennifer and I are going to Guido's tonight with the team to celebrate
their winning their division last night, if you'd like to come along. Your Dad
needs to get a jump on some work for this weekend and Alex and Ellen have a
date.
MALLORY: Actually, Mom, I was hoping it was okay if I met Nick at the movies
tonight.
ELYSE: That reminds me, how did you do on the Chemistry test today?
MALLORY (caught off guard): Well, uh, Mom, the...test was, well, it went...the
sun shone throughout the whole thing.
ELYSE: Good, I suppose, if you were studying the chemical elements in the
planets of the solar system. But for the sake of the actual taking of the test,
how'd you do?
MALLORY: I took a D.
ELYSE: You took a D? Can a D be taken? Wouldn't you say you 'earned' a D?
MALLORY: Well, I don't know. I guess if I applied myself a little more I could
have earned a higher grade.
ELYSE: You look stresses, but how can I punish someone who is stressed? I got
it! You're coming to dinner with us tonight.
MALLORY: But the movie can be a lot more stress reducing.
ELYSE: What move is that?
MALLORY: A new romantic comedy starring Diana Love-"Fashion School!"
Everyone loves it! It's about this girl who's a senior in high school, and she
gets nominated for an internship in a fashion company! And she meets all the
higher-ups in the business, and all the people show her the ropes.
JENNIFER: Oscar material.
MALLORY: Isn't it, though!
JENNIFER turns her head at her sister's unnoticing the joke.
ELYSE: Well, it sounds interesting, but I really would appreciate it if you came
with us. Your Chemistry grades have been down lately and your Dad's going to be
too busy to keep his eye on you, yet alone the baby. Come on, it'll be good for
you, and you'll scratch out the punishment.
MALLORY: Oh-Okay.
ELYSE: Oh, and Mallory.
MALLORY: Yes?
ELYSE: Prepare to study this weekend and work with your teacher on the questions
you got wrong. That's the second part of it.
MALLORY SIGHS.
ELYSE: Thank you.
MALLORY: Always.
The DOORBELL RINGS.
MALLORY: I'll get it.
ELYSE: Thank you, honey.
INT. KEATON LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
MALLORY opens the door to find NICK MOORE waiting for her embrace. They hug.
NICK: Hey! Hey!
MALLORY: Hey Nick.
MALLORY: So, ah, you ready for the movie tonight? You know, I still ain't too
thrilled about the fact that "Harbor of Darkness" sold out, but at
least it's worth seeing that "Fashion School" thing if it makes you
happy.
MALLORY SMILES.
MALLORY: Absolutely, 9:00.
NICK LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.
NICK: We have some time. Let me show you my new bike helmet!
MALLORY: Okay.
The two proceed out the door and into the driveway.
INT. KEATON LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
STEVEN SITS on the sofa with his baby in one hand and a book in the other. ELYSE
AND JENNIFER, looking different than they did in the afternoon, come down and
grab their coats.
ELYSE: Steven, has Mallory come down yet?
STEVEN: No, I believe she's still in her room.
ELYSE goes to the foot of the stairs.
ELYSE: Come on, Mallory. We have 8:00 reservations!
MALLORY hurriedly COMES down the steps.
MALLORY: Here I am, here I am.
ELYSE: All right, Steven, I've left the steak in the oven for you. Please don't
forget it! I want to see my house still standing when I return. This is eating
for twelve girls, so I'm sure it'll be at least a two-and-a-half-hour sitting.
Expect us back no later than eleven. Okay?
STEVEN: Everything's under control, Elyse. (To MALLORY) Hon, your Mother's
right, this does look like it'll be good for you, and you'll jump the gun on
that studying tomorrow.
MALLORY (attempting perkiness): Sure will.
ELYSE: Okay, Steven, Andrew (kisses them both), love you. Girls, let's get it
going.
STEVEN: Bye-bye. (Waves ANDY's hand and uses high-pitch voice) Bye-bye!
INT. MOVIE THEATRE - LATER THAT NIGHT
HOARDS OF PEOPLE are journeying into the commodious theatre, ALEX and ELLEN
included. The couple snag a pair of seats fourth row from the back, stage right.
ELLEN has a small soda, ALEX, a small popcorn.
ELLEN: Did you have to ask for all that butter?
ALEX: Well, you know, butter is the sweetest topping they had...(trying to look
romantic but instead coming off as comically foolish)...buttercup.
ELLEN: That was... 'Butter-sweet.'
A LARGE GENTLEMAN enters ALEX and ELLEN'S row and takes the seat to the
immediate left of ALEX. His girth frights ALEX to spill some of the popcorn all
over himself.
ALEX (looking at the MAN): Ah, hello...there.
MAN: Hi.
ALEX (to ELLEN): Do you see any other seats around here?
ELLEN: They're all packed.
ALEX turns and looks at his new seating partner. ALEX nervously smiles and
chuckles, while the MAN, a grunting cynic, begins drinking the popcorn out of
its container.
ALEX: He's a carnivore!
ELLEN: Just settle down and try to enjoy the movie. Between Dr. Hoffman and this
person you seem to have a lot of trouble taking the load off.
ALEX: The load is off, Ellen, and sitting to my left!
The picture STARTS; everyone is observing the screen. Suddenly, the MAN SNEEZES
ridiculously loud, casing Alex to spill the remainder of his popcorn. Unable to
relax any longer, ALEX grabs ELLEN's hand and they make way out of the theatre.
MORE TO COME!!!!
Last Updated (MM-DD-YYYY): 07-15-2002