Intro: Scene 1 (S + E in kitchen. Nick + Mallory are seen entering) Steven: Hi honey. Mallory: I'm glad you're all here, can I talk to you for a second? Elyse: Sure Mal is something wrong? Mallory: I don't even know how to say this, the most horrible thing in the world has happened. Alex: What is it now Mal? Clashing outfit? Sweater out of style? Headband too tight? Mallory: Nick might have to go to jail. Alex: What? Jail? (nods of agreement) oh boy, that can be rough... (changes tone) Oh, can you pass me those cookies, mom? Elyse: Nick I don't know what to say this news is very, oh I know comforting isn't the word. Steven: That's terrible Nick! You make sure you write now. Huh? Elyse: Well what exactly did you do? Mallory: he didn't pay his income taxes for the last five years. Steven: I'm shocked you didn't pay your income taxes for the last five years? Alex: I'm shocked, you had income for the last five years. Mallory: Look, Nick really needs your help I mean this letter says he's got three weeks to fill out all his tax forms and pay his taxes, he'll never be able to do it alone and if you don't help him he could really go to jail. (SILENCE) Elyse: Of course we'll help. (Hits Steven) Steven: Huh? Oh yeah. (Knocks Alex who responds). Alex: I'll do it myself okay all you have to do is get your records and files together from the last five years. Nick: You mean that Alex you'll do all that for me? Alex: Sure, sure, why not? After all I could use the practise. Nick: Hey I know better than that you're doin' it just because you like me, right? (Hugs Alex). Alex: Hey okay all right Nick, Nick let's not get mushy here, okay? Nick: Hey. Alex: Hey. Nick: Hey. Mallory: Good luck. (Nick leaves as Jennifer arrives) Nick: Hey Jen, great news, I don't have to go to jail. Jennifer: Well this is a happy day. Nick: (On leaving) Hey. Elyse: How was school honey? Jennifer: It was okay I got a new lab partner in science, he's coming over soon to study. Elyse: Oh yeah, who is he? Jennifer: I don't know, some dumb jock I don't really know much about him. Alex: Yeah well you just keep it that way missy. Steven: What's his name? Jennifer: Timothy Paul Higgins, he's five eight, brown hair, green eyes and the pitcher of the baseball team. His earned run average is 1.52 which unfortunately is also his grade point average. He likes to listen to Bruce Springsteen and he loves hero sandwiches with jack cheese, salami, mayonnaise, mustard, a little lettuce and tomato, that's all I know. (Andy comes through kitchen, living room door 'jiving'). (Elyse removes headphone and listens) Radio: Now that the investment tax credits are no longer available the state appears the best investment for the next quarter. Elyse: Let me guess who gave you that. Alex: (To Elyse) I had nothing to do with that (To Andy) the flip side is really hot. Andy: Want to watch Sesame Street with me Jennifer? It's on. Jennifer: I'm sorry Andy, someone's coming over to study with me. Mallory: And it's not just someone Andy, it's Timothy Higgins, the boy Jennifer's got a crush on. Jennifer: I do not have a crush on Tim Higgins, he's my lab partner and we're doing a science project together, that's all. (Knock at door) Jennifer: That's him, how do I look? Mallory: Great, go! Jennifer: Hi Tim, come on in. Tim: Hi. Jennifer: (Running off) well these are my, my parents and my brothers Alex and Andy and my sister Mallory. All: (Muffled) Hi, this is a real pleasure. SCENE 2 (Jennifer + Tim in living room) Tim: This is great, I had no idea studying with you could be so much fun. Jennifer: Why would you think that? Tim: Are you kidding me, Jennifer 'the brain' (makes gesture with hands) Keaton. Jennifer: You're wrong about how smart I am, I'm as dumb as you are. You know (Alex and Mallory enter) I'm so smart at science but there's a lot of things that you're smart at that I don't know anything about. Tim: Like what? Jennifer: Like baseball, you are so much smarter than I am at baseball I can't even begin to tell you half the stuff you know about it. Mallory: (To Alex) Isn't that cute? Alex: (To Mallory) What is she talking about? She knows everything about baseball. Mallory: Shhh. Jennifer: What is it to tell how good a pitcher is - earning averaged run? Tim: You mean earned run average. Jennifer: Yes I'I have no idea what that is. Alex: Come on Jen. You know- Mallory: You know what you need right now? Some more salami, salami's Jennifer's favorite, what do you think about that sandwich Jennifer made, pretty good Huh? Tim: Yeah it's great. Mallory: Jennifer's a terrific cook, she's going to make some very lucky guy a good date for the prom some day. Jennifer: Do you mind? Were trying to study. Mallory: Oh sorry. Alex: Yeah, we're just on our way. Mallory: Yeah. (Mallory and Alex leave) Jennifer: (Sighs) now where were we? Tim: Uh, you were asking me about baseball. Jennifer: Right, right. Tim: Shouldn't we study a little bit more? Jennifer: We've studied enough for one day, I mean two pages is a lot more than I normally do, besides it's not as much fun as talking with you. Tim: Uh Jennifer, I was wondering, were getting along well here. Jennifer: Yeah, I know. Tim: Would you like to go out with me sometime? Jennifer: Sure I'd love to. Tim: Great. Jennifer: Great. Tim: When? Jennifer: I don't know anytime. (Andy enters) Andy: Are you the boy my sister loves? Jennifer: How about right now? SCENE 3 (Present in kitchen: Nick, Elyse and Steven talking, Mallory) Nick: Well, here it is, (places box on table) my past five years in alphabetical order. Steven: I have to admit Nick I'm impressed I didn't think you'd be so organized. Mallory: See dad, You always think the worst of Nick. Elyse: (Picks out card from box) Mr Rogers fan club? This card certifies that Nick is a neighbor. Alex: Don't leave home without it Nick. Nick: Ah look (shows to Elyse) it's still good. Alex: Nick, what we need to keep you out of prison are, are receipts, check stubs, deposit slips you know a bank pass book? Nick: You know I don't even know what any of that stuff looks like. Steven: Come here, come here I'll Uh, I'll help you. You know Nick maybe we're giving this prison idea a short shrift. (Steven and Nick leave) Mallory: Is Jennifer home yet? Elyse: No, no she's still at Tim's baseball game. Mallory: She's really fallen for him, hasn't she? Elyse: In a big way. The last two weeks she's spent all her time with him, they're working on their science project. He's all she can talk about. Mallory: It's so cute. Alex: Oh it is depressing, Jennifer's turning into a girl. (Jennifer enters) Mallory: Jen, Jen, how was the game? Jennifer: Tim looked so cute in his uniform. Alex: So how was the game? Jennifer: His eyes matched the cap. Elyse: Sounds like a very exiting game. Mallory: Sounds like you had a good time Jen. Jennifer: I did. Mallory: Sit down. Jennifer: And Mal Mallory: Yes tell, tell. Jennifer: Tim asked me on a date to the Cleveland, Indians game. Mallory: Sounds serious. Jennifer: I hope so. You know when Tim says Indians his mouth kind of curls up in this really cute way. Mallory: Tell me all about it. Jennifer: When Tim asked me to the game it was so sweet, all he could do was smile, Tim's got the best smile Mal. His nose crinkles up and his eyes sparkle like, like that green dress we saw at the mall. Mallory: Oh yeah, yeah. Alex: Oh okay, okay, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute look Jen I'm not just going to sit back and let you throw yourself at some dopey kid, who, who, who smiles weird and looks good when he says Indians. Jennifer: I'm not throwing myself at anyone Alex. Alex: Oh Jennifer come on you are a walking encyclopedia of baseball but the other night when you were with Tim you pretended you didn't know anything. I mean, what, I don't understand. Mallory: I understand! Alex: Somehow I knew you would. Mallory: Alex it's so simple, guys do not go out with girls who are smarter than they are. (Silence) Alex: You know that's a really frightening statement, considering who you go out with. Jennifer: Look Alex all I'm trying to do is make Tim feel important. Alex: Look forget about Tim, Okay think about me, now what is very important to me is that people know you're smart Jen, that way Mallory just looks like a fluke. (Knock at door and Tim is let in) Mallory: Tim. Alex let's leave these two alone. Alex: Okay, okay just one thing okay, Tim hi, Uh could you say Indians for me? Tim: Indians. Alex: You know you're right he, he is kind of cute. (Alex and Mallory leave) Jennifer: That was a great game you had today, nice touchdown you hit. Tim: Oh Jennifer they're called a home-run. Jennifer: Oh right, can never keep these things straight. Tim: I have something for you. I want you to wear my Varsity Jacket. Jennifer: Oh Tim that's so sweet. Tim: Jennifer will you go study with me. Jennifer: Me, study with you. Tim: Yeah, what do you say? Mallory: (Shouting from outside room) She'd love to. Jennifer: You heard her. ADVERTISEMENTS SCENE 4 (Living room: Mallory, Nick, Alex, Andy around table) Alex: All right Nick, my partner and I have your 'income' for the past five years all figured out. Mallory: This is so exiting. Alex: (Said mimickingly) Gives me chills. Okay now we know your income we can start to look for deductions. Nick: Okay let's look, where? Alex: How many dependants do you have? Nick: What's a dependant? Alex: Someone you support you know, someone who depends on you. Mallory: I depend on Nick. Alex: Not financially you don't Mallory: Well no but what's the difference? I depend on him anyway, he's my lifeline my very breath. Alex: Can we get some dolls to play with. Mallory: Look Alex you said depend if you didn't mean depend you shouldn't have said it. I wish you'd just say what you mean. Alex: All right, go away. Mallory: Okay. Alex: Okay let's talk about depreciation. Nick: Uh, what's depreciation? Andy: Allowance made for loss in value of property. Nick: Uh? Alex: It basically means we can take a deduction for any equipment you use in your artwork that loses it's value. Nick: Uh I only use my brains. Alex: This could be a whopper! Nick: All right. Alex: All right Andy why don't you take Nick upstairs and show him that new tax book I got you. Spots first W2. Nick: Hey and after can we do some coloring? Andy: Sure. (Nick and Andy leave upstairs) (Jennifer enters depressed) Alex: Hey Jen, what's new in the annoying little world of teen love? Jennifer: Nothing good. Mallory: What's the matter? Jennifer: Tim and I flunked our science project together. Mallory: Together, that's so romantic. (Steven and Elyse enter) Steven: Hey gang. How was school Jen? Jennifer: It was all right. Elyse: Did you get your science project back? Jennifer: Yeah. Elyse: Well, how d'you do? Jennifer: The important thing is I still have my health. Steven: That doesn't sound like an A. (Jennifer hands paper to Elyse) Elyse: An F, Jen that's not like you! Jennifer: Come on Mom one F won't hurt anybody Steven: Oh this is getting serious, a couple of C's already and now an F. Elyse: Honey you have got to bring up your grade so we're gonna just ground you. Jennifer: You've never grounded Mallory when she started getting bad grades. Alex: They wanted her to see daylight. Jennifer: Great so I have to be really nerdy and study real hard, Tim won't like me and I won't be any fun anymore. Elyse: What has Tim got to do with it these are your grades we're talking about. Jennifer: Look, I was doing really well in science and I didn't have a boy friend, I wasn't popular and I wasn't getting invited to a lot of parties, now I am. I may not be doing so great in school but I'm happy and Tim really likes me. Mallory: It's hard to argue with success. Elyse: Well, were we're happy your social life is going so well but we're not going to let you sacrifice your grades for it. Jennifer: Look I don't care what you say, I'm happy this way and I'm going to keep seeing Tim and you can't stop me. (Jennifer runs off up stairs) Mallory: Uh maybe I should go and talk to her. Alex: Oh wait Mal, Mal she's already failing, what more can you do? SCENE 5 (School teacher [Mr Rider], Elyse and Steven present is classroom talking) Mr Rider: I don't feel these grades reflect Jennifer's ability. I have every reason to believe She's just as capable as her brother, Alex. He always got good grades and never misbehaved in fact he used to give out demerits to the other students who made noise during class. Steven: I think we're dealing with another problem here Mr Rider B.O.Y.S. (said as letters) Elyse: You can say the word honey. Mr Rider: I'm glad you brought that up Mr Keaton. Does T.I.M (said as letters) mean anything to you? Elyse: Please fellers why are we spelling? Mr Rider: The point is Jennifer is at that age where peer pressure has more influence on her than anything else. Steven: More than her Dad? Mr Rider: I'm afraid there's no escaping it I have a teenage daughter myself. Steven: How's that going? Mr Rider: Quite poorly thanks. I have a meeting with her teacher as soon as this is over. Elyse: Well what's the answer here, I mean how are we supposed to deal with this. If we come down too hard on her we run the risk of, of driving her away but we can't just sit passively by and let her make these kind of choices. Mr Rider: All I can say is try to be supportive, try not to be too critical and drink plenty of liquids. Steven: I can't believe I don't have a tremendous influence on my own daughter. Mr Rider: You can't underestimate the need for social acceptance at this age, especially for girls. Grades, college education these kinds of abstract ideas can't compete with the immediate rewards of getting a Varsity jacket, wish I had one. Maybe we should bring Jennifer in. Steven: Yeah. Mr Rider: Jennifer, please, come in. Sit down. (Jennifer enters classroom) Steven: Hi sweetie. Elyse: Hi. Mr Rider: Well, your parents and I have been discussing what I perceive to be a serious problem with your academic performance. Jennifer: Uh Huh. Elyse: Jen we are here to find a way to help you. Jennifer: What if I don't need help? What if I'm happy the way I am. Elyse: Well, what do you mean by that. Jennifer: I mean school is a very small part of my life now, I have a boyfriend, I have a lot more friends, I go out more, I'm having more fun. I'm happier. (Tim enters room unannounced) Jennifer: Hi. Tim: Hi Jennifer. Hello Mr and Mrs Keaton. Steven: Uh T.I.M. (said as letters) Mr Rider: Right, B.O.Y. (said as letters) Tim: Mr Rider, I just talked to my coach, he said I'd been kicked off the team and my science grades were the reason Jennifer: Tim. I'm sorry Mr Rider: I'm sorry too Tim, school rules, if you had worked harder and gotten better grades this wouldn't have happened. Tim: I can't believe this has happened to me. Jennifer: Tim. (to Mr Rider and parents) You don't understand, you'll never understand. SCENE 6 (Living room: Alex, Mallory, Nick present) Alex: And so friends after much accounting, most of it creative, I'm proud to present the completed tax form, welcome Nick Moore into the world of tax paying citizens. (Mallory claps) You know this day is important to us all, not, Uh not only 'cause we kept a friend, and a loved one out of jail, but because we have guarded for our firm fee of eleven dollars which my partner who is upstairs taking his nap, has agreed to accept in candy. (Mallory sobs) Mallory: Alex, that was beautiful. Nick: So Uh, how much do I have to pay in tax? Alex: Well here it is nine dollars and forty-five cents Nick. Mallory: Oooh Nick: Wait a second here Alex, how come Uh your fee is more than I got to pay in tax? Alex: Keaton and frère is a quality firm Nick. Mallory: Let's go celebrate. Alex: Congratulations Nick and may there be more people like you so the big corporations don't have to bear the tax burden alone. (Nick, Alex and Mallory leave) (Steven and Elyse enter) Steven: I can't believe she run off like that. Elyse: I can't believe you didn't catch her. Steven: I was right behind her but I lost her in a crowd of fathers running after their teenage daughters. Elyse: Don't worry honey, she'll be home. Steven: It seemed so simple at the time Elyse remember, let's start a family we said, it all seemed so harmless. If only one of us had said teenager, maybe we would have just gone to the movies that night. (Steven and Elyse kiss) (Steven leaves) (Jennifer enters) Elyse: You all right? Jennifer: Mom, this whole thing backfired, I was acting dumb and didn't study because I wanted Tim to like me, but because we didn't study Tim got kicked off the team, it's all my fault. Elyse: Did you really think that acting dumb would make him like you more? Jennifer: Yeah I did, you see he's got all these cute and fun and dopey girls hanging around him, how can I compete with that? Elyse: It's hard to compete with dopey that's true, but honey if you, if you just be yourself and don't be afraid of how smart you are you can be as fun and cute as anyone. Jennifer: Really? Elyse: Yes, you want people to like the real Jennifer Keaton not, not someone that you're pretending to be, and it's pretty darn hard not to like the real Jennifer Keaton. Jennifer: Thanks Mom. Elyse: I'I know there's a lot of pressure on girls your age but never be less than you can be just to be popular. (Door bell rings) (Tim enters) Jennifer: Hi. Tim: Hi Jennifer. Jennifer: Come on in. (Silence) Elyse: Coming! Jennifer: Tim I have something terrible to tell you, I really am smart, I man it's my fault you were kicked off the team, we could have gotten a better grade but I was just being dumb for you. Tim: You were being dumb for me? Jennifer: Yeah, on purpose. Tim: On purpose? Why? I never asked you to be dumb. Jennifer: You only liked me when I started goofing off and getting bad grades, admit it, you had no interest in me when I acted smart. Tim: I was just scared of you when I thought you were smart, I was afraid that if I tried to talk to you, you'd laugh at me. Jennifer: I would never do that to you. I like you. Tim: I like you too. Jennifer: I'll tell you what, let's really hit these books, bring your average up and get you back on the team. Tim: Sounds good. So you're really smart Huh? Jennifer: Very. Tim: How smart? Jennifer: Don't ask. END CREDITS
Episode Contents © Paramount Television
Last Updated (MM-DD-YYYY): 07-15-2002
